I’ve noticed over the past months … or few years … that just when I start to feel settled and at peace, someone throws a monkey wrench into the works and shakes up my world. My initial emotion is generally resentment or hurt over the situation (depending on who and what it involves) and I’ve come to recognize these sort of feelings for what they are: purely selfish. But alas, they are FEELINGS and being human, I really can’t prevent them. But what I can do is not dwell on them. Not let them overcome me. Not be consumed by them. It’s not as easy as it may seem or perhaps as my words might imply.
I admit to being a constant work in progress and I wonder at times why these speed bumps have to upset the apple cart — over and over again. It gives me a sense of making no progress in my quest to be a saint — of failing at being a better person. But if I step back and really look. I mean REALLY look at my life. I know that progress is there. What I have come to terms with is that my progress is perhaps the root of the turmoil that comes my way. I choose to WILL myself to hold a certain opinion – certain beliefs – certain conclusions. And I WILL myself to believe and have faith in the following: What if it is my progress (as slow as it is) that has opened the gateway to being tested a little more frequently, a little more surprisingly, and a little more harshly? I know that I am blessed by God in many ways but at some point I have to embrace that the only way to get beyond where I am is to face difficulties in many areas of my life. I resolve to face them, and I have faith that on the other side, there will be blessings. After all, I have experienced this repeatedly — too frequently to brush it off as coincidence.
So I WILL myself to set the selfish emotions aside and look at the big picture. I WILL myself to accept what is on my plate and to handle it the best I can. I WILL myself to try harder when I fail at doing just that. And I WILL myself to be patient. Patience. Patience brings peace, no matter what is happening around you. This I know. But the hardest part is perhaps recognizing that sometimes you simply have to take your hands off of the wheel and trust.