Food for Thought

Deliberate Derailment

Just when I get on a roll and feel like everything is falling into place and a good routine is established, I get derailed.  I have often thought of this as a flaw of my nature, being unable to continually follow through with whatever I know should be a practice in my life – whether that’s praying the rosary each day, publishing a blog post, exercising, or daily meditation.  Perhaps you find this to be an issue as well.  As the days, months, and even years roll by, you can’t help but notice the cycle of ‘having your act together’ and then not.  Or maybe you view it as a roller-coaster, up and down.  A loop that you are ‘stuck’ in.  Groundhog Day over and over!

Over the last few weeks I have been pondering this aspect of me and I have come to a conclusion that I felt worth sharing, as I hop back on the blog-train (yet again).  My derailment is NOT a flaw.  And I would imagine that yours isn’t either.  My derailment is a manifestation of just how God created me.  Unique individual that I am – with many character aspects, strengths, weaknesses, loves, fears, and so much more – derailment, if I want to keep using that negative term, is simply how I operate.  I often joke about having commitment issues, not wanting to jump into anything without taking the time to think it through, research it, learn about it, consider all the angles, and worry over it.  But that’s a good thing and it’s a strength that many others don’t have.

And so even the routine of my daily life gets interrupted by this aspect of my nature because when I do finally jump in, I am generally all-in, or at least most of the way in, focused and committed to doing whatever it is I have decided to do as well as I can, for as long as I can.  Sometimes that is a week.  Sometimes it’s a few months.  Maybe it’s even more.  And then the cycle repeats to some degree. Over the last month that I’ve been MIA from this blog I had my oldest granddaughter here for a full two week visit and my oldest daughter was here for more than a month as she transitioned from a teaching job in Alabama to a new one this week in the Raleigh-Durham area.  I also started receiving strengths coaching (courtesy of the Diocese). And I completely fell off of the healthy lifestyle (eating and exercise) wagon!  But boy was it all worth it! I had some GREAT quality time with people I love and we didn’t waste time worrying about the silly stuff of life.  And although my spiritual/prayer routine was thrown for a loop, I never worried that I would fail to reel it back in.

Sometimes — Ok, let’s be honest — most times, my life is a zero-sum reality.  To put into one thing means that something else suffers or has something taken away.  I suppose I could juggle absolutely everything that I view as important and worthwhile on a daily basis, but I am not wired that way, and I can only imagine how absolutely crazy that would make me.  Spinning all those plates at once and keeping them going? No way! So I let the things that have value and that are good for me drive me for a period of time and then I swap out and turn my attention to some other priority when the need arises (derailment!).  One or two things at a time. Making the most of them.  Giving my best to them.  And the cycle moves on.  I gotta be me, right?  So although I have been absent from this website endeavor for a month, I did not forget it, I was just pouring my time, attention, and love, into a few important people, making the most of time with them, while keeping everything else safely in my mind’s eye, tucked away, until the proper moment.

Hi! I’m back.  For who knows how long!

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